Jamie Kennedy Experiment - the Complete First Season

Jamie: Hey everybody, I'm Jamie Kennedy, and welcome to the Jamie Kennedy Experiment! (Cheers and applause from the studio audience.) This is the show where Candid Camera meets Saturday Night Live. In this next bit, we have a guy who thinks he has a session with a real psychiatrist. What he doesn't know is that there are hidden cameras and that the psychiatrist (me) is a multiple personality and is crazier than he is. The experiment? -- How will he react? Let's watch...

(What follows is on the big screen. The studio audience watches:)

WP: (To Jamie.) Hi, I'm Williampinn. Sorry I'm late for my appointment.

Jamie: Hey, that's OK, William. Why don't you lie down on the couch and we'll get started.

WP: Thanks.

Jamie: So why are you here?

WP: Well, Doc, I have writer's block and have been having strange dreams about a seagull.

Jamie: A seagull? Well, that's perfectly normal; sometimes I fantasize that I'm seagull. (Jamie stands on his chair and flaps his arms.) CAAAAW! CAAAAW!

WP: Hey! Are you all right, man?! You be the doctor; I be the patient, OK?

Jamie: OK, you're right. (He takes out his Woody doll.) Ya know, sometimes patients have a hard time talking to me. Perhaps you would be more comfortable talking to my pal Woody. Say hi to William, Woody. (He speaks in a falsetto voice.) Hey there William. So you think you're a seagull? CAAAH! CAAAAAW!

WP: Please! Put the doll away! You're embarrassing me!

Woody: Hey William, did a seagull crap on you when you were a kid? Is that why you're seeing a shrink?

WP: No! Absolutely not! NOW PUT THAT STUPID DOLL AWAY!

Jamie: OK, OK! Just chill, dude! There, I put the scary doll away. Now tell me more about these dreams you've been having.

WP: Well...well..

Jamie: Common now, let it all out. Don't be shy.

WP: Well...I dreamed I was a woman named Regina.

Jamie: Hey, hey, it's OK; it is OK. All men have a feminine side-

WP: They do?

Jamie: Why sure! Inside my 170 pound frame there is a 300 pound black woman just waiting to get out. Her name is Virginia. (He speaks with a ghetto falsetto.) Uh huh, suga, You ain't got to be ashamed of who you are inside. I let Virginia do the talkin' and my bootay do the walkin'!

WP: You are one weird shrink. Can we get back to MY problems, please?

Virginia: Why sure, honey. Tell Virginia what your problems be.

WP: Well, as I said before, I'm suffering from writer's block and it scares me. It has always been my dream to be a writer or a singer.

(Jamie pretends to zone out. He then becomes the rap character Brad Gluckman.)

Brad: Hey, what up, dawg? I be a sanger too.

WP: What the hell?

Brad: I live a hard life in Malibu. Yo, dawg, I know what you be goin' through. Don't be hatin' when you could be celebratin'. Don't be partay killin' when you could be chillin'. I'm the Brad boy who's the bad boy commin' to you from Malibu without no doubt. Peace to you, bro. Brad boy out! (He blows in his cupped hands and makes rap sounds.) ---

WP: WILL YOU STOP THAT?! What kind of freakin' shrink are you?! I'm not taking anymore of this crap! I'm out of here!

Jamie: Sorry, dude. Hey don't leave.

WP: Why not?

Jamie: I have to tell you something-

WP: What? That I have been X'd? (Jamie looks surprised.) The joke's on you Jamie Kennedy. You're the one that's been X'd.

Jamie: What? No way...you got me?

WP: Yesss! You see, I am not really a psychiatry patient. I am a reviewer from epinions.com, and I am reviewing The Complete First Season of The Jamie Kennedy Experiment.

Jamie: Ahhhhh, man! I can't believe you got ME!

WP: Well of course I got YOU. I'm the one writing this. Anyway, I want to thank you (even though we never met and I'm just making up this dialog) for unwittingly demonstrating what your show is about and some of the different characters you play.

Jamie: You're welcome. Jeeez! I still can't believe that I'm the one who's been X'd.

WP: For those who are unfamiliar with the show, the term X'd applies to the mark (the one whom the joke is being played on). I just want to express further that I think your show is one of the funniest shows ever to hit television.

Jamie: Why thanks, dude.

WP: I love all the different disguises and characters you use to confound the marks. My absolute favorite bit is where you pretend to be a guy who has had jaw surgery and your mouth is wired open. Can you do a little of that for us? I want my readers to see.

Jamie: Sure. (Jamie places a wire mesh apparatus in his mouth, and pours two glasses of wine.) Haow dat? Hood ooh cah fah thom ine?

WP: Hahahaha! Oh, you look and sound hysterical! Yes...hahaha...I'll have some wine. Oh look, readers, he's pouring the wine down his gullet and it's spilling all over his expensive tux. Hahahahahaha! Hehehehehehehehehe! Stop, Jamie! You're killing me! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

This first season, three disc collection includes 17 episodes and commentary by Jamie Kennedy. There is also behind-the-scenes footage as well.

Enjoy! Hahahahahahahaha!

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Jamie Kennedy Experiment - the Complete Second Season

WP: O-K...so I watched the 18 or so half-hour shows, the one-hour specials, the outtakes and commentary of The Jamie Kennedy Experiment-The Complete Second Season DVDs.

Let me tell you. The second season is nothing like the first season. The first season wasn't half bad, but the second season is dumber and more incredulous than Paris Hilton appearing in a G-rated movie.

I could not believe how worn-out and stale Jamie's characters have become. They are more worn-out than Paris Hilton's carpet, or her kitchen table, or her counter tops.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the show, it is like Candid Camera on crack. Instead of the engaging, charming and classy Allen Funt, we have the rat-faced Jamie Kennedy. He's that actor/comedian whose rat face appeared in way too many Scream movies.

In one sequence, Jamie plays an obnoxious grocery clerk who removes the shrink wrap from a customer's steak and fondles it, sniffs it, then coughs on it. Am I supposed to laugh at that? Someone forgot to send me the memo. That was one of the most disgusting, unprofessional displays I have ever seen!

Needless to say, the customer refused to purchase the steak. Can you blame her? That's not the worst part, though. The rat boy then has the unmitigated gall to tell that poor bewildered woman that she has been X'd. Ha, ha, that's so funny I forgot to laugh and puke at the same time!

In another sequence, rat boy plays a fake tour guide who takes some unsuspecting decent folks on a boat tour of the Florida everglades. A stunt man (who is part of the scam) falls into the river and is attacked by a fake alligator. However, the poor folks in the boat think it is all real. Ha, ha, very funny! Man gets his limb snipped by alligator...story at eleven!

Additionally, the rat boy has way too many sequences where he plays this incompetent parking attendant. He plays a character of a certain nationality (with a ridiculous fake accent I might add) who wears a white jump suit. I loath the fact that the character promotes stereotypes! By playing that character he has done a disservice to all people who wear white jump suits!

Then, of course-

Jamie: Hey dude! Why are you slamming my show? Did someone pee in your Cheerios?

WP: Your show sucks, man!

Jamie: NO, YOU SUCK!

WP: Ha! That rapper character...what's his name again?

Jamie: Brad Gluckman! He's cool and YOU SUCK!

WP: Well, he may have been cool the first season, but now he's not only a worn-out, wannabe rapper from Malibu, you gotta play clips from season one of him all throughout season two! If I want to watch those clips again, I'll rent the season one DVD you MORON!

Jamie: Who are you calling a moron, Cheerio breath?!

WP: Sorry, man, I meant no offense. Moron is a pet name where I come from. Anyway, what's up with the old waiter character you play who drives around the restaurant with a wheelchair scooter, and bangs into tables and chairs?

Or the blind guy you play whose sexy wife hits on the unsuspecting marks? Now you have to admit that is pretty tacky!

Jamie: It isn't tacky, man!

WP: Yes it is! You suck!

Jamie: NO, YOU SUCK!!! YOU-

WP: Jamie, calm down. I have to tell you something-

Jamie: What? Oh....NO!

WP: That's right. You've been X'd!

Jamie: I can't believe you got me again!

WP: And, all you readers out there have been X'd also. I absolutely LOVED season two of The Jamie Kennedy Experiment. It was one of the funniest shows on TV! All of the sequences I mentioned earlier had me in stitches! Plus, this four DVD set contains a lot more DROP-DEAD FUNNY STUFF-FIVE STARS!

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Columbo - "Prescription Murder"

Columbo: Excuse me, sorry to bother you...I was just wonderin' if you have a light for my cigar?

WP: Who are you and how did you get in here?

Columbo: Sorry that I startled you. I'm Lieutenant Columbo of the Los Angeles Police. I'm investigating a murder.

WP: A murder? Well, surely you don't think I had anything to do with all those corpses buried in my back yard?!

Columbo: You have a back yard? Well, I must say, my wife and I live in a dingy little apartment with only a balcony. We always wanted a place with a yard and--

WP: Lieutenant, I'm very busy at the moment. Could you please get to the point!

Columbo: Sure, sure. I'm just here for your review along with the other cast members. Now how about that light? (williampinn lights Columbo's cigar with a Bic lighter that will be reviewed separately.)

WP: OK, so you are here for my review. Tell me about this murder you are investigating.

Dr. Flemming: I'll tell you what you want to know. Permit me to introduce myself. My name is Dr. Ray Flemming. The Lieutenant here has some crazy wild-eyed notion that I killed my rich wife who threatened to divorce me, ruin my psychiatry practice, and cut me out of her rich family's circle of influence.

Surely, none of what I just told you is hardly a motive for murdering my wife Carol. When she was alive, she and I had a simple misunderstanding. She believed that I was having an affair with my mistress Joan Hudson. Have you ever heard of anything so preposterous?

WP: Was that you digging in my backyard last night?

Joan: Oh surely your joking! Ray would never hurt a fly. He and I are going to be together from now on. I'll have him all to myself.

Columbo: I beg your pardon, Miss...eh...

Joan: Hudson.

Columbo: Yes, Miss Hudson, I was just wondering if you and Dr. Flemming know each other.

Joan: Well...yes...he's my...my psychiatrist. I'm his patient.

Columbo: I see. Thanks for clearing that up for me. Oh...say...ah...just one more thing, Ms Hudson.

Joan: Yes?

Columbo: Are you and Dr. Flemming here having some sort of affair?

Dr. Flemming: Don't tell him anything, Joan, not until we have destroyed all the evidence.

Joan: (To Ray.) Yes, of course, darling. (To Columbo.) No Lieutenant! We're not having an affair!

Columbo: Thanks for clearing that up. I'll be in touch.

WP: Well, AC reader, what you have just witnessed is a sample of what you can expect to see and hear when you watch Prescription: Murder the 1968 pilot episode of the Columbo television series.

Peter Falk plays the role of Lieutenant Columbo. Columbo plays dumb to disarm his murder suspects. He is actually a genius on the same level as Sherlock Holmes. Peter Falk clearly defined the role with his mangy overcoat, bad posture, and gesticulations with cigar in hand.

Gene Barry smoothly plays the overconfident and arrogant Dr. Ray Flemming.

Nina Foch does a believable job playing the incensed Mrs. Flemming.

Katherine Justice shows off her fine acting talent by playing the terribly naive mistress of Dr. Flemming.

Another notable performance came from William Windom who expertly played Dr. Flemming's best friend Burt Gordon.

The plot is not the typical who-done-it mystery, but rather a how-is-Columbo-going-to-catch-this-guy mystery. All the scenes were masterfully executed. I found myself immersed in Columbo's jurisdiction and totally hooked by the suspense of the story.

This is an exceptional pilot that kicked off a series that is now considered a classic-I rate it five cigars..er...stars.

Columbo: Say...sorry to bother you again-

WP: What is it now, Lieutenant?!

Columbo: The wife and I are looking for a new place with a yard. I was just wonderin' if you know of any place that is available in your neighborhood.

WP: I have a question for you, Columbo! For years I have watched you jerk suspects around with your nonchalant banter. You mention your wife in so many episodes, but we never see her. We see your basset hound but never your wife-

Columbo: What are you driving at?

WP: You murdered your wife! Am I right?

Columbo: You finally found me out. I don't know what to say.

WP: Officers, take the Lieutenant into custody...

Written by Richard Levinson, William Link
Directed and produced by Richard Irving
Runtime: 99 mins.
Air date: 2/20/68

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Classic Television Review: Kung Fu

Teleplay by Ed Spielman and Howard Friedlander
Original Music by Jim Helms
Directed by Jerry Thorpe
Runtime: 74 mins.

America is the place. The old west is the time. Kung Fu is the legend. Kwai Chang Caine is the man.

But he is no ordinary man. He is a Shaolin priest. His hands and feet are deadly, yet his mind is peaceful and serene. He crosses the seemingly endless dunes of a desert, taunted by a scorching sun. For him it is a walk in the park. So focused, so disciplined, nothing fazes him.

The miners at the saloon don't believe him when he tells them that he walked across the desert. They almost don't believe what they see with their own eyes. A ruffian pulls a knife and Caine deftly kicks it out of the ruffian's hand--the knife is launched and sticks to the ceiling.

The ruffian tries to club Caine with a chair. The chair is blocked by Caine's lighting hand, then his foot connects with the ruffian's stomach, sending the ruffian hurling into a card table, which collapses to the floor.

Chinese are not allowed in the saloon, but no-one, from now on, tries to stop Caine from finishing his water mixed with tea leaves from his pouch. The crowd stands in awe of this seemingly simple, soft-spoken man who is a Kung Fu master.

Caine's memories are flashbacks to his youth at the Shaolin Temple in China. His father was American. His mother was Chinese. His parents are dead and he was an orphan. From this tragedy and discord arose his inner harmony and oneness with the universe.

The Shaolin masters taught him well. After walking on rice paper, after taking a pebble from his master's hand, after branding his forearms with dragon symbols while carrying a caldron of hot coals, it is time for him to leave, to go to America, to find his brother Daniel Caine, to find his roots, and to escape the price on his head.

Why is there a price on his head? The answer is revealed when you hear the grasshopper. To hear the grasshopper, according to the blind Master Po, you must learn to see with your ears.

Of course, watching the video might be easier.

This video is the pilot to the Kung Fu television series which debuted in 1972.

David Carradine stars as Kwai Chang Caine in this action-adventure western-or should I say eastern? In either case, Carradine plays the role in the center-very convincingly.

Keye Luke plays the sweetest, wisest, and most nurturing old man you will ever see. As the blind but extraordinary Master Po, he teaches young Grasshopper (Caine) the Taoist philosophy.

Philip Ahn is Master Kan-serene and surreal as he delivers the classic line: "When you can take the pebble from my hand, it will be time for you to leave."

Rad Pera is Kwai Chang Caine the boy. Always placid, always open, always ready to soak up his lessons like a sponge.

The supporting cast did their jobs well and earned their pay. The fight choreography is not the best I have seen; however, the philosophical teachings delivered by Caine and his masters are the most fascinating aspect of this video.

The theme music is oriental with reed instruments setting the serene and centered tone of the flashback scenes in China. The costumes, sets and locations are convincing and made me forget that I was just watching a video.

I could write more words, but I won't. Kwai Chang Caine says, "If words are no better than silence, it is better to remain silent."

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