Spock Proves There's Life After Death

(Star Trek theme music in the background.)

KIRK:(Off camera.) Kirk's log, star date 9876543210... Spock, Bones, Scotty, Sulu and I are still playing the ancient game of golf at the Federation Retirement Home located on the planet Liverspot in the double star system of Bush and Cheney.

(Cut to the first tee of the golf course. Scotty is once again tinkering with the antimatter golf cart while Kirk and the rest are driving golf balls into the green.)

SCOTTY: Capt'n, I dunno why she broke down again! It'll take a bloody miracle to get her going again!

KIRK: (Sighing.) I should be used to this routine by now. Whether it be the Enterprise or a golf cart, we always need a miracle. Scotty, we'll check back on you later.

BONES: That blasted golf cart is gonna give us all ulcers, and then I'm gonna have to come out of retirement and perform medical miracles on all of us!

SPOCK: You humans certainly let your emotions get the best of you.

BONES: Well don't let logic get the best of you, Spock. That theory of yours is the most preposterous thing I have ever heard-that we are all characters in a script and God is the scriptwriter!

KIRK: Gentlemen, please,,,we are here to enjoy ourselves. Spock, according to many religions on Earth, there is some sort of life after death. Do you think you can prove that there is in fact life after death?

SPOCK: Yes, Captain, I think I can.

BONES: This I've got to see!

KIRK: Fire away then Science Officer Spock.

SPOCK: As you are probably aware, 15 billion years ago the universe started out as a singularity. Then there was the BIG BANG and much light and energy was released,,,

BONES: In the beginning, the Lord said, "Let there be light."

SPOCK: That is illogical, Doctor. The Supreme Being saying, "Let there be light" could not have been the beginning or the first act of the Supreme Being. In the beginning the Supreme Being had to have created the Hebrew language and verbal speech-so he/she could then proceed to say: "Let there be light."

BONES: Confound it, Spock! Can't you let anything slip through that logic net of yours? Why do you have to analyze everything to death...

KIRK: Gentlemen, please...calm down. Continue with your proof, Spock.

SPOCK: As I was saying, after the BIG BANG much light, energy and matter was released. Stars, galaxies, solar systems and planets were formed. Eventually, life as we know it was formed out of matter and energy originating from the BIG BANG.

BONES:(Chuckling.) Do you think we'll go out with a bang as well?

SPOCK: Very funny, Doctor. The point I am making here is that the matter and energy that make up our beings has been around for the last 15 billion years. We have each existed in one form or another for that length of time.

BONES: Fascinating!

SPOCK: That's my line, Doctor.

BONES: Sorry...go ahead...

SPOCK: When we die, our current lives may be lost...

KIRK: ...but our matter and energy will live on...Spock, you're a genius!

SPOCK: Thank you, Captain.

SCOTTY: Capt'n! The golf cart is ready to take us to the second tee!

(Kirk, Spock, Bones and Scotty climb into the golf cart. Sulu is in the driver's seat.)

KIRK: Mr. Sulu, set a course for the second tee, warp factor 100000000....

SULU: Aye, sir.

KIRK: So Spock, what do you think will happen to this golf cart when it finally dies?

SPOCK: Its matter and energy will continue...

SCOTTY: ...but will have breakdowns along the way...

(Laughter erupts. Spock shrugs his shoulders and raises his eyebrows.)

SPOCK: Humans.

Note: Special thanks to Gene Roddenberry and the creators of Star Trek.

Click here for drama, comedy and adventure!

Spock Proves the Existence of God

Star Trek theme music is playing in the background.)

KIRK:(Off camera.) Kirk's log, star date 123456789... Much of the crew of the Enterprise, including myself have retired to the Federation Retirement Home located on the planet Liverspot, in the double star system of Bush and Cheney. There, my old friends Spock, Bones, Sulu, Scotty, and I enjoy the ancient game of golf mixed with some lively conversation.

(Cut to the golf course. Scotty is busy examining the innards of a 23rd century antimatter golf cart. Kirk and the rest look on.)

SCOTTY: I dunno, Capt'n, I think it's gonna take a miracle to get this thing going again!

KIRK:(Sighs.) Oh, alright Scotty. Just do the best you can-it's not like we're under attack by the Klingons. So take your time.

BONES:(Chuckling.) Some things never change, do they Jim. We get older, but the rest of the universe stays the same.

SPOCK: So it would appear, Doctor.

KIRK: Spock, Chekov was telling me the other day that you came up with some sort of proof that a Supreme Being exists?

SPOCK: That is correct.

BONES: Oh! I've got to hear this!

KIRK: Well...go on then...tell us. We're all ears.

SPOCK: Imagine that you have beamed down to a deserted Class M planet. There are no detectable life forms. The only things remaining are what appear to be habitat structures. What inferences can you make from this evidence?

BONES:(Chuckling.) Someone was late paying the rent, and the landlord evicted 'em.

SPOCK: Very amusing, Doctor. Now if I may continue. We can infer one of two things: The structures sprang up by themselves as a result of a series of random events...

BONES: Or?

SPOCK: ...or there was intelligent life inhabiting the planet...

KIRK: And it was they who built the structures.

SPOCK: That is correct.

BONES: Well what the blazes does that prove?!

SPOCK: The point I'm making here Doctor is that we cannot detect the life forms responsible for erecting the structures, but it is perfectly logical to hypothesize that the life forms exist, or at least existed at one time.

KIRK: Oh, I see where you are going with this: If we can find some "structures" that only a Supreme Being could have built, then we can infer that such a being exists-even though our sensers don't detect its existence.

SPOCK: Not exactly. First, we have to eliminate the possibility that the "structures" sprang up by pure chance.

BONES: Then by process of elimination we can conclude that only intelligent life-a Supreme Being-created the "structures"...

SPOCK: Or a race of Supreme Beings.

KIRK: So Spock, how do we eliminate the possibility of pure chance?

SPOCK: We must first imagine we live in a universe where everything happens by pure chance.

BONES: Well, obviously that would be impossible, since we exist, we are intelligent life, and we make things happen on purpose. So to some extent, things don't happen purely by chance.

SPOCK: You are correct, Doctor. It is logical to infer from the evidence of our existence that it is possible that other intelligent life in the form of a Supreme Being also exists. However, let us continue to examine pure chance: Let us suppose that we are flipping a coin. The coin keeps landing on its edge, which is highly improbable. The coin should land on heads or tails most of the time. If it continues to land on its edge, we can infer that someone or something unseen and unknown to us is interfering with the coin's probable outcomes.

KIRK: So if we can find something analogous in our universe to the "coin" and "structures," we have our proof of a Creator...a Supreme Being?

SPOCK: Yes, I believe we will have as much proof as we are ever going to have short of direct contact.

BONES: Spock, you green-blooded, pointed-eared freak! Tell us already what in our universe is analogous to your "structures" and "coin" illustrations!

SPOCK: You're familiar with mathematics and Science, Doctor. If our universe were pure chaos and pure chance, then mathematics and Science would have no value.

KIRK: But Spock everyone knows that math and science are products of us-not a Supreme Being.

SPOCK: So it appears, Captain. The laws of physics are like the "coin" . They consistently work for us, but they don't have to. Pure chance and chaos dictate that physical laws should not work for us consistently. Therefore, something or someone is interfering with the probable outcomes. Light always travels the same speed, large masses always warp space, and protons are always attracted to electrons. These phenomena are like the coin consistently landing on its edge. Such determinism should not exist in a chaotic universe.

BONES: Even the chaos we do have seems to have stacked odds that we can master with math, science and technology.

SPOCK: Precisely, Doctor. Therefore, pure chance can be eliminated as a possible cause of the "structures."

KIRK: So what is analogous to the "structures" in your deserted planet illustration?

SPOCK: Why the universe's design and structure. Now that we have eliminated pure chance as the cause of the universe's design...

BONES: There must be a God-I knew it!

KIRK: Spock, why do you suppose we have never made direct contact with this Supreme Being?

SPOCK: I have a theory...

BONES and KIRK: Let's here it!

SCOTTY: Capt'n, the golf cart is ready to go!

(Kirk, Bones, Spock, Scotty climb into the golf cart. Sulu is in the driver's seat)

KIRK: To the first tee, warp factor 100000...., Mr. Sulu!

SULU: Aye, sir.

KIRK: Now where were we? Oh yes...Spock continue...

SPOCK: I believe that we can no more make contact with the Supreme Being than the characters in a play can make contact with the playwright.

KIRK: Spock, are you suggesting that we are just characters in a writer's script?

SPOCK: Yes, Captain-

BONES: Holy Gene Roddenberry, Spock, that's absurd! I think, therefore I am! I have free will! I refuse to believe that I am nothing more than a character in a play!
(Laughter erupts in the golf cart at Spock's expense.)

SPOCK:(With a slightly perturbed countenance, Spock raises his eyebrows) Humans.


Note: Special thanks to Gene Roddenberry and the creators of Star Trek.

Click here for drama, comedy and adventure!